"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
