I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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