just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Ketchup is God's man juice
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
