Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
