Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
