The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
