either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
