why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
