thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
