btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
