think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
