i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so let's talk penis.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
