Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
