I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
