I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
