The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I deserve this hangover.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
