Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Randomize
