I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
