I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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