I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
