There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
