Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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