it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
