brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
