All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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