Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
