I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize