Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
