Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Boobs speak an international language.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
