I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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