Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
