Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
