Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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