everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
