He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
