There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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