I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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