I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
