he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
