Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
