I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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