So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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