my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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