I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
