girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
