no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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