Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
