My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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