Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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