you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
