You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
