wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
